Let It All Out

Question first – What is currently stressing you out?  Think about it and really let it out in the comments, you’ll feel (a little) better!

I want to apologize for the on-again-off-again blogging schedule of late.  I also want to be honest with you guys about the fact that I’m having a hard time.  There’s not necessarily one big thing that’s bothering me, but there are a lot of little things that are adding up.  I am 80% sure that I believe in fate, and I am 110% that I believe that any seemingly negative thing you go through leads you to a better place.  But it’s still hard not to get a little freaked out by all the questions I have about the future.

Where will we have to move for Adam’s residency?  What if Adam doesn’t get a residency?  What if Adam’s chosen career means he’s away all the time and I’m lonely?  Should we have kids?  When should we have kids?  Should I get pregnant next year so if that I don’t get a job right away when we move I’ll get to be home with the kid until it’s all sorted out?  Should I wait to have kids until I’m established in my job?  How do women with full-time jobs breast feed?  How do you make an impression at your job if you excuse yourself every hour to pump and are also already 28 years old and starting out in a brand new field?  What if I can’t find a job?  What if the career path I’m on isn’t the one I want?  What do I want to do with my life?

And to be honest, the above questions are only a snapshot of all the things I’ve been worrying about.  It’s hard not to feel a little defeated when I can’t do anything proactive (at the moment) to answer those questions.  Sometimes you just have to have hope/faith/optimism and wait it out.

Sometimes – like last night – you have to eat a veggie sub and a bucket of french fries and sit on the couch watching old episodes of “Family Guy.”  But then the next morning you have to do your hair and put on your comfy-yet-sexy shoes.

So that’s what I did!

And in my comfy-yet-sexy shoes, I drove to school early and made my way through a big stack of school work.  I haven’t stopped working since, and bit by bit, I haven’t stopped feeling a little better, a little more in control.

The theme for my meals today was – late.  Breakfast was at 10, lunch was at 5, and dinner was at 9.  My late breakfast was eaten in the computer lab while I worked.

Holy frick I love reusing containers so much  I over-served Adam’s lunches for this week so that reused cheese container held a half serving he’d left behind.  In the mix was penne pasta, roasted zucchini and yellow squash, sautéed mushrooms, spinach, diced tomatoes, marinara sauce, and a drizzle of olive oil.

It was yumtastic; I’ve been a good wife this week!

Also helping me get back my happy, clinic went really well this afternoon.  We are starting to do SOAP notes and learning more about what RDs actually do helps a lot to relieve my anxiety.  Plus, I screened patient who agreed to do another round of diabetic diet education.  I can’t really say much about clinic (thanks HIPPA), but so far all of my patients have been really nice.

When we got back to campus it was time for late lunch.

Not cottage cheese*, another reusable.  *I may not have been eating a very healthy diet lately but I have been sticking to the vegan challenge at least.  And no soda for another 3 days either.

In the container were leftovers from Monday’s dinner; brown rice, roasted broccoli, and Asian Orange Tofu Bake.

Continuing the citrus theme, I had a navel orange.

And a piece of dark chocolate for dessert.

When we got out of class at 8 I drove a friend home and then hurried to make dinner.

Purple grapes.

And a Sandwich Thin with mustard, roasted garlic hummus, and 4 oz of raw tempeh.

I wasn’t expecting much but this sandwich was goo-ood.

This post took me awhile to write, but it felt good to put it all out there.  Thanks for “listening,” seriously.  I’ve got a low-sodium diet education presentation tomorrow and I’m still riding a productivity high so I’ll probably burn the midnight oil today.

Hope everyone is having a good week!

10 thoughts on “Let It All Out

  1. Hi Emily! I’ve been reading you blog for a couple of years (since you were adventures in taste I think it was called?) This is my first comment 🙂 I just wanted to say I love reading your blog! I’m also in a nutrition track, and I like hearing about what other schools have people doing, and how other students eat. I feel pretty crappy sometimes in my own track because everyone eats so healthfully all the time, and I really don’t. I get how stressful everything can be as well. My boyfriend just graduated with his radiology degree and is currently looking for a job. I’m not sure if he’s going to be able to find one near us or if he’s going to have to move. I’m also worried about the internship that I have to start applying for in December (eek!). I’m not at the point in my life where I’m ready to have kids, so that I can’t really relate to, but the I can definitely relate to the uncertainty you’re feeling. I’m not sure if you have a lot of internships in your area, but I do not. I’m afraid I’m going to go out of state for it. Sorry for this long rambly slightly incoherent comment lol! Had to get that mess off my chest.

    • Hey, thanks for deciding to finally comment! 😀 My blog used to be called “Eatventures.”

      Is your blog link in the comment correct? When I clicked it said password protected. I would love to read another blog from another RD-to-be, particularly one who eats like a normal person!

      I’m in a coordinated program so I actually don’t have to apply for an internship, but I have several RD friends who did and they all said it’s not as scary as it seems. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you though! And please feel free to ramble anytime!

      • I actually meant to leave that comment anonymously but apparently it kept me logged in. I’m still working on the blog content before I let anyone see it. I’ll be sure to let you know when I set it for public viewing 🙂

        That’s awesome that your program includes the internship. Are you doing the masters as well? I’m still undecided.. it only adds a couple months on, but it’s also more expensive..

        • Please do let me know.

          My program does not include a masters. I’m not sure what will happen, that’s actually one of the topics on my freak out list!

  2. You are amazing. I love you. I know everything is up in the air right now, but it will get better. I promise. I am right there with you with the unknowns. They can really get to you, but I am learning to let them go and just trust that things will work out for the best. I know they will for you guys too. xoxo!

  3. Hey, keep your head up! You are a great person and I know things will work out for you and your love.

    Just yesterday I couldn’t keep myself from crying a few times because I was feeling so useless for not having found a job yet. I’m not sure if it was just my emotions being a little too girly or what, but it sucks when you start feeling like a failure and don’t want to disappoint your boyfriend or family or yourself.

    I know doing what you can really helps. If you know you’re doing your best than that takes a lot of stress off. As Tony Horton says “do your best and forget the rest!” Actively looking for jobs and exercising regularly makes me feel a lot better usually. It’s also helpful for me to think of the things that I have accomplished so far, like one of my main priorities of life, finding my “soul mate” which I have and makes me utterly happy. =)

    • Aw, I’m sure you’ll find a job soon! You have to remember how many other people are in the same situation, it doesn’t mean you’re useless at all. You are totally right too; it is so important to think about the big picture of what we’ve already accomplished.

  4. Figuring out when to have kids can be really scary, but I have learned that you just need to live in the moment and take it day-by-day. I do suggest waiting until you finish school. I was really glad I did. All the little details like pumping will work themselves out. (PS- you will probably only need to pump like every 3 hours & you don’t want to work at a place that isn’t supportive of your family needs anyway!)

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