I have a love/hate relationship with running.  I love it, but sometimes running doesn’t seem to love me back. 

Running is my singlemost favorite thing on the planet.  Even when I compare it with things like diet coke, popcorn, and dachshunds, running brings me the most joy.  My happiest moments in life, other than times with my husband, have been during a good run.  And cardiovascularly, even though I seem to suck at everything else, I am made for running.  The few 5+mile runs I’ve gotten to do have been a cinch, and always leave me wanting more.

But my legs seem not to want to cooperate.  Since I was in high school, at random intervals I’ve had hip, knee, ankle, and shin problems.  Bad joints run in my family (my dad was a runner in his 20s and had to quit entirely because of his knees) and I know eventually I will probably have early arthritis in some or all of those spots.  I was diagnosed with tendonitis earlier this year and it seems to be back with a vengeance.  I really think that I CAN be a runner though.  Most of my problems now can be linked back to the fact that I ran improperly because of my surgery foot and the fact that I keep getting impatient and trying to up my mileage too quickly.  Not training properly for my half was a huge mistake.

So where does that leave me with my half marathon???

I am signed up, with one of my best friends, for the Disney Princess Half Marathon on March 7th.  As of right now I can’t seem to run a mile without pain in my left shin.  The Half is 12 days away.  My friend is not ready either, I think her longest run to date has been less than 3miles.  But we are going to try.

I genuinely believe that most people, even couch potatoes, could probably go out to a race and finish 13miles.  And through a combination of running and walking, I am going to try and go finish those 13miles.  It is likely that I will hurt myself so badly I will have to stop halfway through.  It is even more likely that I will not be able to keep up the minimum pace and will be pulled off the course.  Either way, I am going to try.  I paid for this race – I want to at least see some of the sites and have a little bit of the experience.

I am really not sure what kind of range of people signed up for this Half, but it seems like a definite possibility that if I finish I will come in last.  I’ve come in last in more than half of the races I’ve ever run in.  At a race in high school I came in waaay last and then proceeded to puke my guts out.  And I’ve been cool with it.  I am a secure enough person not to be too shaken up by my last place, although it is embarrassing.  But in a BIG race like this Disney run?  I am terrified.  It is going to be MASSIVELY embarrassing.  But I’m going to try anyways, and hopefully my friend will be able to be with me through the whole awful/wonderful thing.

How do I feel now though???

Disgusted with myself.  I truly didn’t think I could lose as much respect for myself as I have.  It’s one thing to set a goal and not achieve it, but I didn’t even try.  I didn’t just want the experience of running a half marathon, I wanted the experience of training for one.  And more than $100 later in race fees I don’t have that.

I am pissed that I have tendonitis.  I am pissed that I had foot surgery. I am really pissed that I probably have tendonitis from running funny on my surgery foot.  But I am rational, and I understand that sometimes things happen.  I know that I have to let go of that anger.

But I can stay angry with myself.  All the out of my control stuff aside, I would be in a better race place right now if I had trained properly.  My training log is a joke.  Stretching daily would have helped.  Strength training would have helped.  Ultimately, I hope that I have learned from this.

So what happens next???

I’m pretty sure I’m going to be in intense pain post-half.  Whether I do 13miles or 4miles my body is not ready for either.  And obviously I’m going to push through more pain on race day then I would reasonably do in general.  I plan on taking at least 7 – 14 days off my legs after the race.

Then, I’m going to train again.  I’ve already written up a plan, I’ll be posting it later, to sloooooooowly increase my mileage.  I am going to start at 1mile – just one mile, absolutely no more in a given day – adding 1/2 a mile each week.  With lots of strength training and stretching built in.  I CAN run long distances.  I CAN be a runner.  I just have to approach it in a more mature way.

Advice?  Thoughts?  Criticisms?  Stories of your own to share?

First, the lovely Dallas Celiac awarded me the Beautiful Blogger Award!  I met DC in San Fransisco and she is quite beautiful, so I feel honored!

Now I have to pass it to 7 more bloggers (note, I think pretty much 99% of bloggers are beautiful – 1% is handsome, I’m looking at you Nate! – so this was a challenge.  If you’ve already gotten this and I’m being repetitive I apologize).

1. Peas and Thank You
2. Bran Appetit
3. Skinny Runner
4. Meals and Moves
5. Graduate Meghann
6. Classroom Confessions
7. Yes I Want Cake

And now 7 random, cool facts about me –

1. When I ran cross-country in high school I finished the first race last dead last and then puked all over myself.
2. I started college as a communication major and was one credit from a minor when I switched to education (I also have a 2nd major in English).
3. I really, really like stickers.  In fact, in high school, I wore at least three a day and walked around handing them out.
4. (Given fact #3 this one is astonishing) I was popular in high school, and sometimes I used to wish I was picked on so I could have a character building experience.
5. I think Dr. Seuss is a genius and taught several of his books in my 8th grade curriculum.
6. I’m a major klutz, Adam is astonished by how often I hurt myself.
7. I’m pretty bummed about my foot.  I think the best way to feel better is to make someone else smile, so I’m hosting a small giveaway below.

The small giveaway (please notice the emphasis on the word small) is sTiCkErS!  A few are cute company stickers from some fabulous brands and a few are fun foodie stickers from my sticker box.  To enter – leave a comment on this post telling me one random, cool fact about yourself.  I’ll pick one winner at 1pm today.

Today is the big day – I’m having my (minor) foot surgery at 2:10 this afternoon!  Thank goodness Adam’s professors said he could miss the second half of class, I’m a nervous wreck!

I got up at 7 with the husband to shower and take care of any last standing to do’s around the house.  I even gussied up my toe nails so my feet could feel confident about their big day.

And I’m eating a *lucky breakfast.

18 Rabbits unveiled a new flavor Belle Bananas Foster of granola bars at Peet’s Tea and Coffee locations on January 1st.  I’m one of the *lucky bloggers who was sent a sample to review.

Delicious!  Carmelized banana is one of my favorite flavors and this indulgence did not disappoint.  Thankfully, for my nervous stomach, it wasn’t over the top sweet but just right.  If you live near a Peet’s Tea and Coffee be sure to snag one of these bad boys for breakfast today!

I’ll probably be back with a lunch post, but just in case, please wish me *luck this afternoon!