It’s no secret that I’ve gained weight since moving to Buffalo. And as I mentioned yesterday, most of my pants no longer fit. Most of my button up tops don’t fit either, but Adam is so thrilled about my ginormous boobs that I’m not allowed to complain about that issue. It is time to face the facts stats though:
- I’ve gained almost 15lbs in the year since we’ve moved.
- I’ve gone up not one, but two pants sizes.
15lbs in a year is a lot in general, but on my small frame it’s a LOT. While I’m still in the middle of the healthy bmi range for my height this is not a weight at which my body is happy. I don’t look or feel the way I think I “should” at almost 25-years old.
While I’m not happy about the weight gain, I am a lot more zen than I would have ever expected to be. For someone who struggled with body image issues growing up, I’ve faced a large weight gain with a shocking amount of maturity and humor. Adam and I are able to laugh about it in a way that is hilarious rather than toxic. I’m not beating myself up or feeling ashamed or embarrassed.
I know that “fat talk” is an issue for a lot of people so I wish I was able to explain more clearly why I’m able to take this in stride. I would love to be able to give my readers tips to having a healthy attitude about weight gain, but honestly I’m not sure what they’d be. There are a couple of (seemingly contrary) factors that have made this easier for me –
- Gaining weight this year was inevitable. When we lived in NYC I could walk everywhere. And as a teacher in a difficult school I was on my feet for 7hours a day. I was moving a minimum of 6miles everyday even before exercise. Since we moved to Buffalo in August, there have been 4months where I was trying to move as little as possible because of my surgery and/or injury. Going from one extreme to the other – energizer bunny to high intensity couch potato – there was no way my weight wasn’t going to fluctuate in the transition.
- Gaining weight this year was in my own hands, it was the direct result of my own choices. It’s a lot harder to accept something if you feel like it’s been done to you. When there’s a sense of “why me?” it can be hard to move forward. Even though being relegated to the couch was out of my control, I choose not to do pilates or yoga. I choose to have poor sleep habits. And you know what, I ate a TON of jalapeno nachos, and they were damn tasty!
I’m also trying to look at the positives; just because my literal glass shouldn’t be filled so often doesn’t mean I can’t be a glass-half-full girl figuratively. I will never take running for granted again. I know that my husband truly does love me (and find me attractive) at any many sizes. I now know that I am the type of person who can gain so weight without acting like the whole world is ending. I have a goal to work towards. It always kind of irritated me that there was no reward for being hot and staying hot. Now that I have weight to lose maybe someday I can be a success story in a fitness magazine!
I’m not going to make some grand plan for weight loss. I’m going to Boston this weekend and there’s no way I’m not eating chowder and bubble tea. I would like to eat more cleanly in generally because it makes me feel better, but Vegan Month in June will be an easy start to that. I am betting that as I slowly work back into running and working out regularly the weight will gradually drop off. I will stay zen.
Have you ever gained or lost a significant amount of weight? How did it affect you emotionally?
Eating Chalk 
I love your approach. It’s sensible and healthy and I wish I could say I’ve always been the same! 🙂
My injury took me out of the game for two months- and even then it was a rough beginning. I learned VERY quickly how I needed to adjust the diet. And now that I’m running again, I’m relearning how to adjust it back.
Never a dull moment… 🙂
I love how honest you are on your blog, and your healthy attitude towards diet/exercise. I agree that a couple of months of being back into running will probably do the trick. Btw, I look forward to your posts more than any other blog on my reader.
Thank you so much, your comment kind of made my day!
I have personally gained and lost large amounts of weight many times. My changes in weight were do to my eating disorder and my need for refeeding because I was very ill. This past summer I gained about 40 lbs. It was a very difficult time for me. While it was a large amount of weight to gain, it was what I needed to be healthy. This weight gain when I first returned home was very difficult because I didnt feel like me, but if u were to tell me today to go back to where I was I would say NO!!
Please take care of your self and I am so happy to see that you are so open and honest about your struggles!! 🙂
I am SO envious of your attitude. I can’t even express it. I work DAILY (sometimes hourly) to have a positive attitude about my body. To sum up: I really struggle in this area – and I kind of let it build up and sometimes take it out on my poor, poor husband who takes it in stride and tells me I should gain weight because he thinks I would look every bit as hot, and probably be happier. 🙂 We’re lucky to have such supportive, loving boys…huh??
Thanks for the reflection, I really enjoy your honesty.
I love you and your honest – you are so fabulous! 🙂
yay, emily! you took the words right out of my mouth! the past 1-2 years have shown me how much weight is a function of lifestyle. i have decided to embrace (within somewhat healthy reason) the lifestyle that has been offered to me with all its latin american gourmetness. i am so lucky! even if the luck does come with 15-20 extra pounds … 😛 it’s all relative, and the best goal any of us can possible have is to love ourselves regardless of body size because body size is not a reflection of value. so there!
You seriously have one of the most healthy and inspiring views on weight gain ever. As someone who cries when the scale ticks up 3 pounds, thank youuuuu for presenting the RATIONAL viewpoint on weight gain.
Btw, I have noticed that to husbands, weight gain = junk in the trunk or bigger boobs, so they’re OK with it haha
I love your outlook and your personality. You remain my #1 favorite blogger 😉
Aww shucks, thanks!
I lost about 33 pounds in six months, gained back about 17 pounds in six months, and have maintained this weight gain (how funny does that sound) since the start of this year. My weight will not budge, and I find it INCREDIBLY frustrating. Yeah, it really bums me out. I know it shouldn’t, but my problem is I keep thinking of ‘before’. ‘Before’ I was slim, ‘before’ I was etc., etc.
It makes me think. A couple of years ago when I was 17 pounds heavier, I didn’t really care. It was a gradual weight gain, and I’d never been really really slim (when I lost 33 I was too slim). But it’s like once you know what you can be, you get obsessed with wanting to get back there. Does that make sense? That’s how I think my mind is working anyway.
You’ll be fine girl – you’ve got such a good attitude! It’ll come off, and in the meantime, you got some big jugs! Woo!
It’s definitely comforting to have your significant other love you no matter what . . . but more importantly, you don’t see yourself as any less fabulous. Awesome attitude!
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I have definitely had my fair share of fluctuation but right now, at six months pregnant I’m feeling rather zen myself. Is it the crazy good hair and skin? Is it th bigger boobs? I don’t know, my husband loves it, I love it and my little baby is happy.
Other times in my life when I’ve struggled with health issues (endometriosis) my weight seemed like a big problem but I’ve learned so much from that low time that I’m glad it happened and I’m healthy now.
I’ve been through many many fluctuations in my life and it’s never easy. Although, I’ve found I freak out less, now that I know how to eat clean and workout and get my body back to where I want it. I don’t sweat it.
Kudos to you for your good attitude. And thank you for sharing something so personal. It’s always a comfort to know we all go through things like this.
You have such a great attitude about everything, and I love that. You nailed it – things might not be perfect, but this isn’t the end of the world and every little choice you make from now on can make a difference!
I gained about 25 pounds over 1 semester in college and it threw me for a loop. Thankfully, I got grounded again, but I was kind of lost at first.
((((hugs))))
let me know if you ever just want to talk or vent 🙂
I gained almost 20 pounds in my first 6 months in Africa, due to moving to somewhere with a HORRIBLE all white cabs diet, a sedentary lifestyle with an office job and no exercise due to a running injury that made it hard to even walk. I have lost about 15 pounds of it, but the experience has scarred me in terms of it making me care WAY too much about weight and food and all that, going to extremes in both directions when before my weight gain it was never something I thought about at all. But it has made me come to terms with reality and I have learned a lot through the experience.
When I was a teenager I dropped some 50 pounds through starvation and obsessive exercise, then gained it all back when my body finally chimed in and said “You’re killing me! Need nutrients!” Of course I acted like the world was ending, because at 18 your physical attractiveness seems like the be-all-end-all of your self worth. It took about four years before I was comfortable even thinking about running and paying attention to what I eat again. Now I’m about 30 pounds down from my “original” weight with no intention of going lower (I’m a hairsbreadth away from the ideal BMI of 22 anyway) and doing my best to keep up an overall healthy attitude. Yours seems very balanced; I’m glad you won’t go down the route I and some of the other commenters did.